Or is it the real life Underdog?
FLORIDA – The Associated Press reported this weekend that a black labrador retriever named “Jet” survived a six-story leap from a Tampa airport parking garage. The police, Jet’s owners and a vet all say the 2-year-old dog accidentally jumped over a parking garage railing on New Year’s Eve and walked away from the landing 60 to 80 feet below. [source]
His owners are Clayton and Jessica Tieman of Largo, FL. They named Jet for the sheen of his black fur, not for any flying abilities. Nor is the dog named after John Travolta’s son, Jett. And speaking of Travolta, check out this sad story from last year about how the Scientologist refuses to seek treatment for his autistic son OR use his movie-star status to join other celebs in raising funds for autism research. Wag the Dog tracked down Vinnie Barbarino – Brooklyn native, James Buchanan High School alum, and long-time friend of the Travolta family – and asked him to comment on the story, and he said, “What? Where? Why?” When asked to clarify his statement, Barbarino added, “Up your nose with a rubber hose!”
Anyway, not everyone is buying this as an “accidental” leap from a parking garage. Wag the Dog has interviewed a confidential informant who witnessed the entire ordeal. A local ace TV reporter, who prefers to remain unnamed, tells Wag the Dog that Jet did not accidentally leap over the garage railing. Instead, he was tossed over the railing by a gang of thugs belonging to the Riff Raff Mafia. She knows because she was there, hiding underneath a nearby car.
The mafia, named after local crime boss Riff Raff, consists of Sandy the Safecracker, Mooch (the Mafia’s top gunman), Spinny Wheels (who drives the Mafia’s getaway car), Dinah Myte (the Mafia’s greatest bomb tosser) and other unnamed members. According to our source, Jet was dogpiled (pun intended) by the Riff Raff gang before he was eventually thrown over the railing by Mooch. Apparently, last November, Jet foiled a Riff Raff Mafia plot to rob a Tampa-area Sun Trust Bank. As payback for interrupting their plan, the Riff Raff gang followed Jet to the airport and, thinking he was alone, attacked and threw him over the railing. Wag the Dog believes it is Jet – not the lovable Shoeshine Boy – who is the real Underdog. Otherwise, there’s no way a common dog could survive a 60+ foot fall.
Wag the Dog tracked down Riff Raff at his secret Boca Raton complex that’s only accessible via a fake door in a palm tree. The tree is actually an elevator that transports you down to Riff Raff’s den. However, Riff Raff had no comment.
UPDATE: It appears I’ve over-estimated the cartoon knowledge of the Wag the Dog key demographic – hot women in their mid-30’s. After interviewing our publisher’s 30-something year old wife (who happens to be gorgeous), we’ve learned she has no clue as to the background of the Underdog television series or the significance Sweet Polly Purebred and Riff Raff play in the storyline. It seems our publisher’s wife did not have the opportunity to enjoy the thrilling adventures of Underdog in her youth. Therefore, it’s highly unlikely future posts will include any references to the Go-Go Gophers, and most certainly NOT to Kondike Kat. We want you to enjoy our writing rather than having you say “I don’t get it” after each posting. And, in the event you have five minutes to kill, enjoy part of an Underdog episode featuring Riff Raff and Mooch: