Have No Fear – Grampa McCain is Here!

Rudy Bar Sinister’s plot to take over Florida fails

Who knew Simon Bar Sinister, the main villain of Underdog fame, had an evil twin named Rudy?  Well, we did.  At Wag the Dog, it’s our job to know these things.  Plus, we completely stole the idea from our favorite morning radio show, The Stephanie Miller Show.

While Simon Bar Sinister wanted to rule the world, Rudy Bar Sinister simply had his eye on taking control of Florida.  Ironically, it was this infatuation with Florida that led to Rudy’s demise.  Today, Rudy Bar Sinister announced his plans to drop from the GOP presidential race.  I’m sure Rudy would’ve preferred to have done so on 9/11 of this year, but so much for bad timing.  And even though Rudy threw his support to Senator “Gramps” McCain, something tells me the evil Rudy is up to no good and is actually in cahoots with his dimwitted sidekick, Mitt Romney (not to be confused with Simon Bar Sinister’s henchman, Cad Lackey).  You see, both are tall and handsome with great hair.  Cad is alternately incredibly stupid or exceptionally smart, while the flip-flopping Romney likes to alternate his position on little matters like women’s rights, gay rights, etc.  The only way to tell them apart is that Cad is actually NOT a douchebag. 

Anyway, Rudy’s evil plan was foiled by a lovable shoeshine boy senator from Arizona.  And while Senator “Gramps” McCain resembles a harmless little shoeshine boy, something tells me this old man is dangerous, my friends!  Perhaps it’s his lack of any sort of plan to fix the economy.  Or, maybe it’s his wanting to stay in Iraq for another 100 years or so (whatever it takes… just as long as “they” don’t follow us home). Or is it his wanting to bomb any nation of brown people – except for Mexico, because McCain loooooves him some illegal alien.  Actually, electing Grandpa McCain would sort of be like re-electing a sweeter, humble version of Dubya. But who’s stupid enough to do that, right? Stay tuned.  I’m sure we’ll have some future posting on this blog that will most likely be titled, “Democrats manage to give election away before Republicans have to illegally steal it.” 

When he is not Wag the Dog’s Senior Political Correspondent, Bogart is incognito as a lazy mutt who naps all day.  When a political story happens, Bogart rushes to the nearest phone booth and pops a “Wag the Dog Super Energy Vitamin Pill,” which helps him remain unbiased in his reporting.  Hey, maybe Fox News would like to buy some pills from us?